I can relate so much to this Financial Post article


I mentioned that I owed money to the CRA at one time to the tune of $21K. I didn’t really mention why. It was stupid on my part but you must keep in mind that I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. The Ex was controlling. I see that now in hindsight.

He had a book that mentioned how you can reduce your taxes with your business write-offs. I argued that you can’t just write things off as business expenses if you didn’t actually have a legitimate business. He made me open up a trade name and proceed to write-off our day to day expenses as “business expenses”. It made me uncomfortable and I knew better but I still did it anyway. Why didn’t he open up a trade name? Oh yeah, he was unemployed and it would be more plausible coming from me since I had a J.O.B.

I did this for two years. We took the large tax refunds and spent it on vacations to Hawaii and to fix up the house his mother owned but he still said was his. Of course, I would get audited by the CRA because of my large tax refunds. He concocted a plan where I was paying him a consulting fee through my trade name. It was all bull shit. Absolute bull shit. My tax returns were re-assessed and I had to pay back the $21K.

You know what the real kicker was? He pressured his mom into doing it too. He was so manipulative and it pains me to realize that now instead of earlier. Coulda, shoulda, woulda. I’ve learned my lesson and have vowed that nobody else would control my money and decisions. My husband doesn’t care what I do with my money because he knows I’m very headstrong about it now.




Well… fuck.

Where to start? I was $3000 in debt from our elopement and other things. It was starting to drive me crazy so I threw the start of our emergency fund towards it to knock it down to $1600. That made me feel better. Then my husband wanted to have a serious talk about something he wanted forgiveness for.

Previously, he had told me about how when he was a university student, he had walked into a bank and just wanted a $500 limit credit card. The bank, of course, offered him way more credit to suck him in. What he didn’t tell me was he was still servicing this debt until a couple months ago. Long story short, the job market hasn’t been kind here while my husband is finishing his certification and he missed a couple payments. The debt got sent to collections and he was stressing about this.

I was skeptical of the collection letter at first and made him pull up his credit report to match the debt to the one listed in the letter. He told me that the collection agent had said my name to him and asked who I was and proceeded to tell him “why would you get married when you have no job? That’s stupid.” Pretty scummy, eh? But I admit she had a point. It doesn’t look good to an outsider but I know what our circumstance are and that it’s not permanent. I don’t care what this lady thinks.

I researched the debt collection company to make sure they were legit. They wanted a payment of $6200 within 24 hours and another $1200 in 90 days to settle the ~$9000 debt. So I used my line of credit to make a payment and then used a 1.99% balance transfer to pay off the LOC.

At first I was ok with it. What’s mine is his and what’s his is mine. This is marriage, right? I’m a little disappointed that he didn’t tell me this before especially since I’ve been transparent about how much debt I had from The Ex. He said he felt embarrassed and didn’t want to put me through the same thing as The Ex which is exactly what he’s doing right now. He promised me that he’d funnel all the money he’s making to pay off the debt. I know he’ll hold true to his word.

Now I have $7900 of credit card debt and it’s driving me insane. It’s back to austerity mode for me and a possible Christmas season job to pay this off quickly! Fuuuuccccckkkkk!

I owe the CRA again. ☹

Ugh is all I have to say. After paying off over $20K of my CRA debt, I thought I’d never owe them again. Wrong! When I switched over to my boss’ private company, the incompetent business manager deducted the wrong amount for federal and provincial taxes for about 10 bi-weekly pay cheques before he noticed. He never gave me a pay stub which my friend pointed out that I am entitled to my pay stub for every pay cheque.

I calculated how much I’d have to contribute to RRSPs to offset the amount owing. Turns out I left out one entire monthly pay cheque from my old position and when I entered my numbers into the tax program, it said I owed $815. Ahh!!!!taxesI know it’s not entirely the business manager’s fault. I should have known never to rely on people for everything but I assumed he’d get it right since it is part of his job. But it’s also my job to be aware of everything that is going on. I’ve double checked my pay cheque for this year’s tax calculations and he is deducting the correct amount from my pay cheques.

I’m not going to file my taxes until this amount owing is paid off. I don’t want it to show up on my notice of assessment because I need to renew my mortgage in the summer. This amount isn’t the biggest in the world but it’s a little discouraging considering I had just paid off the amount owing to the CRA. Oh well, another lesson learned!

Past actions do affect the future

I recently got a home and auto quote in hopes of saving money. I was so happy when I received my quote back. I was about to save $359 per year but then she ran my insurance history and said I had an at fault claim in 2015. My quoted auto premium went from $1,032 to $2784. WTF!

I wracked my brain and then it hit me. The Ex’s brother had borrowed an SUV that I was stupidly paying insurance on and he backed into a gas station. I was stressed out when I received an email about the accident and let insurance handle it. Little did I know it would bite me in the ass years later when all I wanted to do was get a cheaper rate. Let this be a lesson to you: your past actions do affect the future. Also, don’t date a money moron with moronic siblings.

What the fuck was I thinking?

In 2008, I began dating a money moron as Gail Vaz Oxlade puts it. Only I didn’t see it back then and I became blinded by the thought of love and turned into a money moron myself. I had low self esteem at the time and was happy someone wanted to be with me. He was a financial leech and I was the blood supply. I funded vacations and nights out all while he didn’t have a full-time job. That should have been a huge red flag. I had bought a condo in 2007 prior to meeting him. I lived in it for one month before he pressured me to move into the house where his wife was murdered by his brother. Now I know why he wanted me to move in. Who else was going to pay for the power and heat?

By 2010, he had convinced me to open up a trade name. He said that I would be able to write off expenses and get a tax refund. I knew it was a bad idea and that wasn’t how it worked but somehow I went along with it. He was a money moron and I was just a fucking moron. I wrote off whatever he told me to for two years’ worth of taxes totaling about $20K. We used this “tax refund” to go on trips to Hawaii and fix up his house that his mother technically owned. He was convinced that we could make money by building a house one hour out of town. He couldn’t qualify for any loans because he had no job but I stupidly agreed to it. I bought a plot of land for $15K, a trailer and a used Jeep. He spent the next two years building a shitty house for us while I kept applying for credit cards and borrowing money from my family. We moved into the house in 2013. It was a complete shit box. The plumbing would freeze constantly in the harsh Canadian winter. There was no heating system; just electric heaters.  I had to wear a parka in my own home to keep warm. All my income was going towards debt payments. I had a part time job and sometimes relied on that for our food purchases.

He had his mental breakdown at the end of 2013. He began acting weird and I said I would pack up my stuff and leave if he didn’t smarten up. Little did I know he was actually having a psychotic breakdown. I packed up my car with what little belongings I had and headed to my parents. I knew I couldn’t leave him at the house in the freezing cold so I enlisted two of his friends to help me with him. I drove them in my parents’ SUV to the house. They were horrified by what they saw. They managed to wrangle him in the SUV. I was in the passenger seat when he lunged from the back of the vehicle and yanked on the steering wheel. We luckily didn’t hit any oncoming cars on the highway and hit the snowbank and was stuck. I called the RCMP. He tried to get out of the SUV and make a run for it. It was -30C that night. The RCMP finally came and took him to the mental health ward at the hospital downtown. During a visit, his friend asked me how much debt I was in. I said $60K. It was more like $80K. I was too ashamed to admit the real number. He stayed there for a week. My relationship ended or so I thought. You know, he never offered to pay for the damages done to my parents’ SUV…

By this time (April 2014), I had already moved back into my apartment. I loved my new found independence. My condo building had a devastating fire in the summer of 2014. I had to move back to my parents for the next eight months while repairs were being made to the building. Meanwhile, he begged and grovelled and wore me down emotionally. I stupidly agreed to take him back December 2014. What the fuck was I thinking? I wasn’t. I was emotionally exhausted and wanted the constant onslaught of begging to end. I didn’t even tell my parents I had gotten back together with him. We spent the next year living separate lives. I hated the sight and mere presence of him. I cringed when the door would unlock and it was him coming home. The resentment of my debt built and built until one day I said “I don’t love you. I haven’t for three years.” Those words lifted a mountain off my shoulders. He moved out the next day and my life went on and I thrived.

I buckled down on paying down my debt, utilized 0% balance transfers on credit cards, made and stuck to a budget and started paying my CRA bill. Oh yeah, I got audited, by the way. Didn’t think I’d get away with tax fraud, did you?

I began a relationship with the most amazing man in 2016. The Ex was jealous of this and wanted to be part of my life still. He came unwanted and unannounced to my apartment and workplace. He said he’d pay me for what he owes me for our house but it was in measly increments. I decided my mental health was more important than the $30K he owed me so I told him the debt was forgiven and that I never wanted to talk or see him again. I still get bitter over that money but I keep telling myself it’s better for my mental health to not have to deal with him anymore.

Debt at the beginning of my journey (Nov 2014):

Total=$124,753 (CRA: $20,890, Consumer debt: $60,603, Family loans: $43,250)

Present debt (Nov 2017):

Total=$79,464 (CRA: $4,442, Consumer debt: $32,255, Family loans: $41,750)

As you can see, the family loan amount hasn’t gone down a whole lot. I’ll be paying them back when I sell my condo. It doesn’t look like I’ve made a huge dent in my debt but I didn’t take it seriously until 1.5 years ago.

I’ve wanted to blog about my fucked up finances for a long time. I hope it will serve to be therapeutic for me.